So on this rollercoaster of life post Uganda, I have often questioned what it means to be a proud American. I feel like this word has a lot of baggage. Proud can mean feeling honored, a positive thing, something that is great and inspires greatness. Proud is also one of the 7 Deadly Sins in which pride seems more arrogant, self-assured in a more negative way. So what do Americans mean when they sing and exclaim "I'm proud to be an American...."?
This 4th of July I seriously questioned this. Is it ok if I'm a proud American? Can I completely celebrate this holiday exactly like I used to before Uganda?
I was fortunate to tag along with Logan and his family to Virginia Beach this year, full of proud Americans with red, white, and blue nail polish and eye shadow, American Flag bathing suits, and all intentions of fireworks (which didnt happen because of a thunder storm). However, I had a great deal of confusion the entire day. This is what I wrote to my Uganda friends the next day:
I hope you are all doing well! For me, I'm doing mostly good, but every now and then I have a few days of rollercoaster and deeply missing Uganda and you all. Yesterday, July 4th was one of those days. Yesterday was just a constant state of confusion for me. On one hand, I do love America and love what this country is and has done for me and my family and all of the opportunity it has created for us to bring opportunity to other people. However, there is also the Mere Discipleship/Mirror to the Church attitude side that feels like it should completely disregard our Independence Day because its not God Bless America its God Bless America, Uganda, the rest of the world, etc. This side has partnered with the side that gives reason for the Declaration of Sentiments and Frederick Douglass' speech, "What 4th of July Means to the Negro" which I just finishsed reading and comparing to the Declaration of Independence for my American Lit summer class. Basically those documents are saying "yes, the Declaration of Independence is awesome and I'm so proud that we broke from the tyranny of Britain...but HEY! wake up America, look at those areas where you are doing the exact same thing Britain was doing to you and do something about it...". And then, I was driving down the East Coast seeing all of these towns and cities named for Native American tribes that were decimated by our country and the Belgian Memorial in Rwanda just keeps ringing in my head...
What the heck.
Luckily, while praying "Lord make me an instrument of thy peace" over and over again to avoid looking mad and frustrated at the tourists (in every sense of the word, particularly from that article we read during orientation)... the Lord brought me relief. There were huge storms starting around dusk on Virginia Beach, which clouded the sky, brought a lot of rain, and cancelled the fireworks. Instead, I was able to delight in the presence of the Lord through the most amazing lightning flashes across the entire sky over the ocean from our hotel balcony.
So...what are your thoughts? How did you feel? Any ideas of what is ok to feel without forgetting all of the lessons we learned?
And then my friend Cody replied with this:
at first i definitely felt like things were odd... i mean, how much do we celebrate a country that does have it's fair share of problems? but then i thought to myself... we're not celebrating the problems of america. we're celebrating the fact that we are a free country, and honestly i'm thankful for that. religious freedom is something that a lot of people don't get to experience, and having that makes life a LOT BETTER. i know, i sound so academic. so i guess i just thought differently about WHAT i was celebrating so that i was truly celebrating alongside the people there.
So, with a lot of contemplation and help from Cody, this is where I am. America is great, wonderful, and a place to truly be loved. Without the opportunity our amazing country has provided, my mom would not have been able to grow up here after arriving by boat in 1960 with my Dutch grandparents. She would have never met my father, a grandson to Italian immigrants. With hard work and hope they came to this country and worked hard and successfully gained the American Dream. Because of that, thank you America! And I am honored to say that I am a citizen to a country in which my right to freedom will never be taken away.
I do think the word proud often comes accross as arrogrant, especially in foreign relations politically and socially. In this case, in the general sense, I wouldnt say I'm a proud American. I however will always be thankful, because I have more opportunities than the majority of the people in this world even though as a 20 year old, in debt, college student I feel insignificant and useless most of the time. I can now use my resources to help those people and to not be arrogant but to be humble. So thank you America, thank you to our founding fathers, the men and women who have and will continue to uphold our countries' standards, and for my fellow Americans - may we continue to be humbled by our opportunities and let this wonderful country inspire us to achieve greatness in our own lives.
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